It’s hard to start again after you’ve been stopped for a long time. I’m thinking right now about posting to my blog – this one! My God, it’s been four months that I haven’t posted anything. Four weeks would be bad enough, but four months!
Much embarrassment and a touch of shame here. Blogging is such a public medium, and here I am revealed for anyone who is interested to see: Big deal – he’s going to write extensively about marriage and commitment and love. And a few months later he’s gone.
“Well you know,” I mutter, wondering why I don’t just disappear, “I had a lot of clients to see, and I started work on a book (Is this one going to peter out, too?), and then it was summer. Garden to get started. Lawn to mow. The kids became available – wanted to spend time with them.”
Are you noticing what I’m noticing? Self-justification very quickly sounds like weak special pleading. Is it better to say nothing or very little like – “I was away, and now I’m back.” I’m not sure.
I do know that starting again after you’ve stopped for a long time can be hard in many areas. The temptation is not to bother. Avoid the risk of embarrassment, shame and all the “what if…?” fears that are bound to arise. Don’t do it.
In counseling, one area where I see this “afraid to start again” phenomenon is with couples who haven’t been sexual together in a long time: The temptation is strong to stick with a celibate relationship rather than endure awkwardness and the risk of failure.
In this case, as in mine, maybe the best course is to openly acknowledge your uncertainty, refrain from making “this time I’ll succeed” promises – public or private, do your best to make resuming what you had given up a little deal, not a big one (“Of course I’m a little scared; anybody would be”) and then just go ahead.
SOSOSO....THERE'S A HERO.
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