I Don't Feel Close to My Partner Any More. Remedies Part 1

“I don’t feel close to my wife any more,” a client said to me. “I hate feeling this way. What can I do about it?” Feeling distant from your partner is a problem in many relationships. Are you looking for a solution? Go looking first for what may have caused the distance. Then consider possible remedies.

I am going to devote a few posts to this topic. It’s an important one.

You don’t feel close to your partner. Here are some questions you can ask yourself, in pursuit of understanding the distance that you feel:

• Do you feel close to anyone? If you don’t, then of course you don’t feel close to your partner either. Are you so self-involved that in a real sense there is no one else in your life but you? No? Then what isolates you? Do you work all the time – mostly alone? Do you live in your head, keeping company only with yourself? Are you isolated by fatigue or illness?

• If there are other people in your life whom you feel close to, try accounting for the closeness. Are you close, for example, through humor? A shared hobby? Spiritual interests? Does the closeness that you have with others shed light on the distance you feel with your partner?

• What did you used to do that made you feel close to your partner? (Maybe you used to take long walks together in the woods or bike together – but you don’t any more.) If it was activity of a certain sort that used to bring you closeness, then consider reviving that activity. Or if doing so is impossible, as it may well be, then – with your partner – look for new activities that hold the promise of a similar closeness.

More questions and ideas next time.