The first step in solving a relationship problem is to decide who has it. People will say, "There"s a problem here." No there isn't. Either I have the problem, or you have the problem, or we have the problem. It's somebody's problem, and avoiding naming it as mine, yours or ours only prevents the problem getting solved.
People who are intent on avoiding conflict at all cost will often be reluctant to say "I have a problem" when the implication is - my problem is with you, and I want you to change something. Folks who have difficulty being assertive are also unlikely to own their problem and be clear about it.
Saying "You have the problem," means " it's your problem and not mine. Being this clear about boundaries (me on one side, you and your problem on the other side) is difficult for many of us, particularly if we expect ourselves to be loving and helpful all the time. Saying or even implying "It's not my problem" sounds uncaring, even when it isn't meant to be at all.
Actually, if it is either my problem or your problem, we need to deal with it ourselves and not expect the other person to rescue us from what is our own responsibility. On the other hand, it's fine to ask your partner to help with your problem, as long as you own that it is yours, and your partner is free to refuse if s/he doesn't want to help
In many cases, if the problem is my problem with you, your problem with me or otherwise truly a shared problem, then the best route is to name it as "our problem." A good rule is that if either of us has a problem with the other, it is definitely a shared problem " definitely our problem. To do otherwise is basically to refuse any responsibility for what is obviously a problem within our relationship. Not a good idea.