Think of your marriage as a stage play, currently in performance—at your house. And why not? Like any play, yours has a story line. It has scenes with dialogue and at least some degree of dramatic interest. Plus it has characters and actors to play those characters—you and your partner.
Don’t be put off by the reference to “actors.” I don’t mean insincere or dishonest - like “just acting, just pretending.” I mean in a role, in the sense that an actor is in a role, one of a number of roles s/he has probably played her/his acting career—just like you have been in many roles and, in fact, are in quite a few right now—in addition to husband or wife, probably also friend, mother or father, son or daughter, employee or employer, colleague—and others.
In each of your roles you behave at least somewhat differently than in other roles. Some of your roles presumably you like, and some you don’t. So while thinking of your marriage or couple relationship as a play, here are some questions to consider.
*Do this one with your partner: If your relationship “play” was a real play and it was in performance at a theater near you, would you attend? Why and why not? If you were the play’s author and you could change the characters somewhat and possibly write in a new scene or two—to make the play more interesting, dramatic or agreeable, what changes would you make?
*Of the various roles you play in your life right now, what is one that has elements that you wish were part of your couple-relationship role? Consider what it would take to bring the best of a different role into your life with your partner. See if your partner would cooperate with your doing just that.