Tip for Couples: If You Want to Stay Together, Avoid Hopeless Talk

Here is something obvious that is still worth saying: If you want your relationship to succeed, stay away from doing or saying anything that would leave you or your partner feeling hopeless about being together. By definition, hopelessness is the end—right? There is no where to go from hopeless—except out. Nevertheless, a lot of couples push each other toward hopelessness. Do they know what they’re doing?

For example, you are flirting with hopelessness if you chronically complain about things that can’t be changed, especially about your partner’s character or personality or things your partner did long ago that hurt or infuriated you. You want hopeless? Complain to your wife that you should have married the other girl and not her. Complain to your husband that you should never have let him buy that condo, and when he says, “What can we do to make up for it now?” say “Nothing.”

Complaining is not the problem. The problem is complaining when you offer no remedy—i.e., you leave your partner nowhere to go but into hopeless—or indifference, which is definitely not good either.

If you need to complain about his old affair, do so in terms of something that could be helped, e.g., the insecurity about his love that you still feel occasionally. And if he says, “What can I do to help?” have something in mind—not deadly nothing. Instead you could say, “Be very loving to me today; it helps.”

When you provide a remedy, you help your partner—and yourself—feel hopeful: We can forgive each other; we can go forward; we have reason to stay together.

Comments

[Allura Woodard]

me & my soon to be husband fight abiut the stupidest things and i dont know what to do. ive tryed everything. some days were happy and then a few days later were arguing again! we say sorry and things are okay. But i worried that when we do get married that it won't feel ment to be. how do i tell him things need to change ot i might leave? i dont wana leave him but if things keep up, i have no other choice. i love him so much, i would do anything for him, big or small and he knows that i just wish that he would appreaciet it soetimes.

[Chanel Bags]

Thanks a good deal! I truly enjoyed reading this.Looking through these posts and the information you've provided I can appreciate that I still have a lot of things to learn. I will keep reading and keep
re-visiting.

[Veronica Delagard]

When I read the post from the soon to be husband and fighting all the time, I wondered why are you getting married. Yes, you love him and would do anything for him. I know the feeling. But you all ready sound as miserable as I am and I have been married for 13 years. It's lonely fighing all the time, it really is especially when you never get what you need.

The only advice I can give you is" If you think getting married is going to make him more secure, more sensitive, less critical, less violent" Wrong!!! It only gets worse.

[Supra Shoes]

Good job.No matter where we are, we must study all the way. As the proverb says that: You are never too old to learn. Thank you for your blog.

[singles]

I need some really good flirting tips that actually work and give the guy the hint that I like him. Can anyone help?

[stacy, jordans mom]

relationships are hard. talking is hard. talking about feelings is the most difficult. or so it seems. being able to express your love, anger and hurt..

its not about being right, wrong or indifferant.

but, it is about just "being able to"...

just saying ,"id dont know, or i need some help, will you help me..".

[christian louboutin]

I am very like this sentence:"We can forgive each other; we can go forward; we have reason to stay together." The article is perfect, I liked this article. Hope to share more about the blogger's information on blog.

[chanel bags]

I am expecting some different idea from your side. You always represent some new thought in your post.

[jordan 13]

So cool your posts and comments,now fashion ideas are growing,we all need to follow it,come on!hope your life will be better!

[Louis Vuitton Bags]

renlei shi daziran de lijiezhe he puren!

[yiwu market]

Nice post. This post is different from what I read on most blog. And it have so many valuable things to learn. Thank you for your sharing.

[Nike SB]

To try and do both comfortably, you don't will need to possess the literary sensibility of wonderful authors, but you do involve to perform certain points, some of which we will contemplate it inside the approaching paragraphs. Generally, regardless of what I do, I all believe twice of them.

[b makowsky fashion]

Please, can you PM me and tell me few more thinks about this, I am really fan of your blog...

[Kid Express Doris]

amazing stuff thanx :)

[ClubPenguinCheats]

You want hopeless? Complain to your wife that you should have married the other girl and not her.

[Satchels]

Wow! what an idea ! What a concept ! Beautiful .. Amazing � :)

[fashion news]

good good�this post deserves nothing :( �hahaha just joking :P �nice post :P

[Feels great]

gr8 resrch bro�

[Girl]

Do something sweet , something that he will remember

[mulberry bags]

I'm going home tonight to take a pick, i'm very excited about this (clearly you see how sad and crazy i am about shoes.) Will post the picture