Marriage Tip: Do What Feeds Your Relationship — Regularly

Are you married? If you are, here’s a question for you: What keeps the marriage going? Maybe you say habit, or fear, or necessity (I don’t have the money to leave.) Maybe it’s principle (It’s against your religion to leave). Maybe it’s convenience. On the other hand, perhaps mutual love sustains your marriage. Let’s look closely at that possibility.

If what sustains your marriage is your love for each other, then it is almost certain that built into the fabric of your relationship are regular moments of special connection - moments of sharing, affection, intimacy, understanding and support. If you are lucky, these moments of special connection happen daily.

If they happen less often, perhaps because of work or physical separation from each other, they at least happen often enough to feed the relationship and remind each of you of the other person’s devotion and the pleasure and meaning that you share.

If you and your partner are striving to build a closer relationship, take a tip from couples that are already doing well: Deliberately design some moments of special connection, then make sure they occur regularly. Schedule them into your daily or weekly life, if you have to.

You and your spouse figure out together the sorts of easily accessible experiences that feed your relationship. Get clear on the elements of such experiences. E.g., one couple might say that the elements were sitting together + occasionally touching each other + taking turns talking and listening about each other’s concerns - but no talking about problems and no criticizing each other.

Call these “nutritious experiences;” they keep the relationship alive. Once you have one or two such experiences figured out, make sure they happen regularly. Stage them if you have to. Carrying them out may be awkward in the beginning but satisfying and eventually easy and natural as the relationship grows stronger and more satisfying.

Comments

[Jonathan]

Excellent advice David! In these fast-paced times we live in, it's easy to loose emotional touch with loved ones. My wife and I found this post very useful!

Keep up the good work!

[David Sanford]

Thanks Jonathan. I appreciate the support and hope that, in the future, you will add your thoughts to other posts that interest you. David Sanford