Use Gestures to Expand Communication with Your Partner

Back in Neanderthal days people didn’t talk much. They mostly communicated by gesture. Waving their arms, stomping their feet, holding their heads, pointing — it was a limited language, but it definitely communicated well. Gesture is direct, basic and often dramatic. Why don’t you try it more?

Sometimes using a direct and basic language, like the language of gesture, is useful. This is obviously the case when you want to make your point in the strongest possible way.

Using gestures can also be helpful when you generally have difficulty being direct or when you get captured by “maybe this, maybe that” indecision and need to be decisive. Gesture is a way of committing yourself to whatever you are saying, as in, “See, I really mean this!”

Here are some possibilities for experimentation:

• When your intention is to speak from your heart, put your hand on your heart; and keep it there while you speak.
• When you are being expansive, throw your arms wide.
• When you are accusing your partner, point your finger at him or her, and wiggle it. Invite your partner to do the same with you. Then share how it feels to be on the receiving end of the accusing finger.
• When you want your partner to stop, extend your hands palm out in front of you, and make a push-away gesture.
• In an argument or discussion, when you are closed , be closed: Cross your arms in front of your chest. Then make a different gesture of your choosing, to communicate a willingness to compromise. Note the effect.

Think of gesture as a strong way of communicating definiteness. Experiment with it.