The Sweetness of Feeling Fond of Your Partner

Do you ever catch yourself in a moment of special fondness for your partner? Maybe at a party you see your wife talking animatedly with a friend and feel a rush of fondness for her. Or as you watch your husband working in the garden, you suddenly feel really fond of him.

Fondness is one of the special rewards of a genuinely warm and caring relationship. Obviously, I'm not talking about the "nothing special" form of fondness that people have in mind when they say things like, "I'm fond of him, but I certainly don't love him."

The fondness that I'm speaking about is a gentle, quiet emotion, not passionate or intense but heartfelt - something that is likely to endure. The experience of fondness has little or nothing to do with thinking or attitude. It is instead an act of seeing, in which you catch your partner doing something endearing.

Fondness is a gentle mix of friendliness, affection and affinity. It is the sort of thing you might say about a good friend. To be able to say it about your partner is a special treat. Fondness is often the mellow experience of a well-burnished relationship that has endured for some time.

How do you get to experience fondness toward your partner, if you don't already? You have to like that person; the relationship has to be free enough of conflict for the sun to shine through, so to speak.

You have to experience your partner in order to feel fondness toward her/him. This sounds self-evident, but some people seldom have a simple experience of the other person; instead they are full of ideas, concepts and conclusions, and thinking about those is what passes for experience.

You must have stayed together and worked at the relationship long enough to come to an acceptance of the other person as s/he is. Fondness often is what you feel toward your partner after the tempest, when you have made piece with the relationship as it is. You get to experience fondness after you have stopped trying to change your partner.

Please comment: When do you feel fond of your partner?

Comments

[Jonathan]

Wonderful advice David!

The moments of great fondness for my wife that you refer to, usually come to me in social settings, outside the everyday context of our home life. The moment often occurs when I recognize that lovely social creature laughing and having fun, and reflecting if just for a moment the humor we have fostered together.

Opposite feelings come from those moments when I don't recognize her character, and feel disconnected from who she is.

[Shion]

I haven't been with my love for too long, but I do experience fondess of them. Mostly when I watch them talk with others..and see the parts of their personality I really love and appreciate. I don't believe it's something you only experience after years of committment, though I agree it'd be stronger after you've had alot of years and experiences together : )