Tip for Couples: Don’t Fall Into the “Talking Heads” Trap

Don’t you get bored with TV news programs that are all talking heads—no footage from the real world, just two commentators in the newsroom going on and on with their opinions? If you do, then consider this: A lot of marriages are just talking heads, too—ultimately just as unsatisfying as a news broadcast where nothing happens.

I’m not knocking conversation; far from it. Exchanging information, making plans, giving feedback—it all involves talking, and that is fine. But the relationship that is all talk and nothing else loses much and sometimes is in danger of drying up altogether and just blowing away.

Against all-talk marriages, consider relationships in which people are also quiet together—quietly reading together in the same room, with occasional smiles back and forth, or quietly walking through the woods holding hands, or snuggling together in bed before sleep—yes a word or two now and then, but mostly just touching, just being renewed by the basic, direct, simple, root-level meaning of being lovingly in each other’s company—and no need to say anything about it.

If the connection between you and your partner seems shaky sometimes, don’t necessarily go for more talk. You can get a deeper and more reassuring contact through your bodies. Go for the senses. Touch each other.