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« Tip for Couples: A Better Use of Your Feelings | Main | Please Visit My New Site — »

January 14, 2008



Hi David,

I have very similar opinions and feelings regarding the "trek of marriage" (or, as you so eloquently put it: "deeply committed relationships").

Too often I see couples together ... but not with each other. It's sad, and unfortunate ... but something that can (and should) be remedied.

Your idea of creating an open forum is particularly interesting. Relationship advice is something that is often taboo, and I feel that this sort of suppression is quite harmful to those seeking happiness in their relationships.

Being a 23-year-old divorcee has made me re-evaluate my view on relationships, and motivated me to do extensive research on the subject. I wish I would've known of and/or sought out "the existence of these manuals written by professionals" sooner.

An analogy that I have read at some point goes something like this:

Individuals grow up and go to school to study for a career. They sometimes spend upwards of 10 or 12 years in the pursuit of knowledge that they feel will better themselves.

On the flip side of things, individuals on their deathbeds relate that the most important things in their lives have been (and are) their families ... their relationships. Never have I heard someone in this situation state, "Gee, I wish I would've put more overtime in at the office." Far from it! Often times they regret not having spent *enough* time with their loved ones.

Why is that we spend so much time and effort in things that, while important, are trivial in comparison to the joy that can be experienced in a loving relationship? Why not put forth just as much effort (if not more) into learning about what it takes to make your marriage work? Why not devote some time to learn everything you can about that special someone in your life?


Anyways, I've been a reader of your blog for about a year or so now and have found your advice to be very warm & non-judgmental --- both of which are key for messages to be delivered effectively on subjects with a tendency to be hush-hush.

It's my hope that an open forum can be established and that others can benefit from 'profession experience' in the way that I have.

Thank you for your efforts,



i do miss seeing your column in the paper. i read it every week, and sometimes cut it out. i hope we will be able to throw around some thoughts and advice to get through this journey of relationship that is so important and so hard to figure out sometimes.

David Sanford

Hi Brian,

You said something really important here; "Why is that we spend so much time and effort in things that, while important, are trivial in comparison to the joy that can be experienced in a loving relationship? Why not put forth just as much effort (if not more) into learning about what it takes to make your marriage work?"

How about telling us something your experiences have taught you about what it does take to make marriage work?

Thanks for writing! I applaud your motivation.

—David Sanford

David Sanford

Absolutely, Judy! What is something that you have found hard to figure out about doing relationships? Maybe others have some insights or approaches that have been helpful to them in the area you have in mind.

Thanks much for writing.

—David Sanford

M. Garland

I miss your column in the Sunday paper very much. It was the best part of the paper, as far as I'm concerned!


I find that my most important part in a couple is keeping that between myself and my partner since we might both have friends in common whom we both need in order to each be rounded persons who together can exist as a couple...

Too Many Cooks In The Soup or Too Many Kooks In The Marriage can leave one homeless and in the soupkitchen line wondering what happened when Too Many People took part in The Couple's Broken Relationship proving it to be not repairable...

Relationship problems belong at home mending and not out with friends...

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