Couple Support

Starting Again After a Long Stop

It’s hard to start again after you’ve been stopped for a long time. I’m thinking right now about posting to my blog – this one! My God, it’s been four months that I haven’t posted anything. Four weeks would be bad enough, but four months!

Much embarrassment and a touch of shame here. Blogging is such a public medium, and here I am revealed for anyone who is interested to see: Big deal – he’s going to write extensively about marriage and commitment and love. And a few months later he’s gone.

“Well you know,” I mutter, wondering why I don’t just disappear, “I had a lot of clients to see, and I started work on a book (Is this one going to peter out, too?), and then it was summer. Garden to get started. Lawn to mow. The kids became available – wanted to spend time with them.”

Are you noticing what I’m noticing? Self-justification very quickly sounds like weak special pleading. Is it better to say nothing or very little like – “I was away, and now I’m back.” I’m not sure.

I do know that starting again after you’ve stopped for a long time can be hard in many areas. The temptation is not to bother. Avoid the risk of embarrassment, shame and all the “what if…?” fears that are bound to arise.  Don’t do it.

In counseling, one area where I see this “afraid to start again” phenomenon is with couples who haven’t been sexual together in a long time: The temptation is strong to stick with a celibate relationship rather than endure awkwardness and the risk of failure.

In this case, as in mine, maybe the best course is to openly acknowledge your uncertainty, refrain from making “this time I’ll succeed” promises – public or private, do your best to make resuming what you had given up a little deal, not a big one (“Of course I’m a little scared; anybody would be”) and then just go ahead.

My Very First Post!

This is my very first post - and I am nervous. I’m not sure why – I write a lot and get read quite a lot. And from what I hear, blogs are a very spontaneous, rough hewn medium: Climb up on your soapbox, open your mouth and sound off.

So why should I be nervous? I’m sure that it’s partly because in this medium I am determined to be personal. Not just My Convictions, but here’s the guy with the convictions - not exactly naked, but perhaps not entirely clothed either.

The professional stuff that I write is My Conviction stuff. It is all earnestly believed and felt, and it all comes from my experience. But you wouldn’t know that from the writing, because I almost never use the pronoun “I.” (See for yourself – visit marriagesupport.com, and read a few of the articles.)

I want to do the blog differently. I want to mix the professional voice and the personal voice. I want to wear the relationship coach/counselor hat and take it off now and then – under which, you know, I am fairly bald.

Not scary to be professional. Not scary to be personal. Somewhat scary to be both – in the same communication.

Or is it excitement? Fear and excitement are right next door from each other – like the top of the rollercoaster ride. Something tells me - this is going to be an exciting ride.